Search for a Church (Pt. 1)

Oh happy day! We have found OUR church!

Years ago, when I was a 15 year old girl (don't even ask me how many years ago that was) being forced to attend Catholic church with my family, the time came that I was to start Confirmation Classes. These classes cost money. I had to, after years of struggling with the idea of faith, tell my mother not to waste her money.

For the record, that's not a fun conversation to have...telling your mother you aren't sure you even believe in God.

At any rate, she disapproved but was supportive enough to let me make my own decision. I am still grateful for that. (As opposed to other family members who scoffed and told me I was "going to hell"...but that's another story for another day.)

What I told my mother then, and have told countless other people since, is that I believed if/when you found a church or religion that is right for you, you would just KNOW. I had to believe, that until I felt that unexplainable feeling...that compulsion to be there and be involved...until that time came, I just knew it wasn't right for me and was honestly just wasting my time and everyone else's time.

Have you ever had that feeling? Where you just know you're in the right place at the right time? Or you meet someone new, and for some reason you are just sure that you met them for a reason...that your lives were meant to be brought together?

An experience like that with someone is part of what started drawing me back towards faith. (More on that later.) And I remained convinced that if I ever found the right church (or religion) for me, I would just know it. I would know it the moment I walked in.

Last week we tried a new church...our first since moving to the Madison area. It was a big, beautiful building. Decent message. The pastor was certainly excited to be there, which is nice. They had a band, which I thought was cool. (I'd never attended a non-denominational service before nor had I seen a church with a house band. I love music so I thought that was pretty awesome.) It had all these wonderful things about it, and I wanted SO badly to love it...and I just didn't. I struggled through the sermon (is that even the right word? I'm new to this remember...) and was quite confused a lot of the time. And while on one hand, I was glad we kind of just blended in to the giant crowd in attendance, part of me felt uncomfortable. The entire experience felt impersonal. I was already feeling a little lost, so that was a difficult feeling for me to try to overcome...feeling lost in the shuffle.

Now, please don't get me wrong. Had I told one single person in that church that I wanted to talk a little more or had I even mentioned that I was new, I'm sure they would have been helpful, receptive and welcoming. I have no doubt. But still, at the end of the day, what I knew was, this bright, beautiful happy place just wasn't the right fit for me. (For us, I should say. My fiancé is a long time believer but has struggled with faith at times in his life. He and I shared very similar sentiments about our experience last weekend.)

Ohhh, but this past Sunday. What an AWESOME day. We have found THE church. OUR church. And I can't wait to go back next week. (I can't believe I'm even saying that honestly, but it's the truth. I can't wait for next Sunday.)

To be continued...